


Spectrum & Scale

by shifter_goddess



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Gender Identity, Headcanon, M/M, Mostly just Allison is dead, Multi, Romance Identity, Sexual Identity, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Sorry Allison, ace!Sarge, ace!Texas, hit me up with your own i'll toss 'em in, just a ton of rambling gender/sexuality/romance headcanons, listen don't blame me texas named this damn thing, so far we have
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5960947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shifter_goddess/pseuds/shifter_goddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of the things Carolina appreciated about the Reds and Blues was that their approach to things like genders and sexualities was - like almost everything about the retired soldiers - unusual when compared to 'the masses'.</p>
<p>She'd asked Church about it once, and he'd laughed at her confusion. "We figure everyone is queer til proven otherwise. Less broken bones that way."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spectrum & Scale

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one, ft. aromantic Texas, aromantic Sarge, and embarrassed Church. And who doesn't like to see that?
> 
> Heads' up: It's mentioned that Texas is trying out the 'romance stuff' for Church because he likes it, but it's still clear she's ace.

One of the things Carolina appreciated about the Reds and Blues was that their approach to things like genders and sexualities was - like almost everything about the sims soldiers - unusual when compared to the masses.

She'd asked Church about it once, and he'd laughed at her confusion. "We figure everyone is queer til proven otherwise. Less broken bones that way.", he'd told her, and had left it at that. And, astonishingly, it looked like he was telling the truth, the more she learned about the Blood Gulch Crew - and the more people they ran into, Freelancers and not.

\----------------------  
"Why," Church asked, "are all of my friends idiots, FILSS?" The computer program didn't answer back, but he liked to think that the screen flickered at him cheerfully. Or maybe it was mocking him. He squinted at the laptop, uncertain, til a broad hand slapped between his shoulder blades and almost sent him ass-over-head flying off the couch.

"Givin' inanimate computer programs thoughts an' feelings again, huh, Blue? Ain't they give you meds for that shit yet? Can't be healthy!" Sarge boomed his opinion - the man had, Church was certain, no other speaking volume, or at least nothing any of them had discovered - as he flopped into the beat up and stained recliner he'd claimed as his whenever he was in Church and Caboose's.

Church pressed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, setting his laptop to the side to better glare at the old man across from him. "My pills are for my DID, and you know that. Why are you even in my apartment? Rent's not due for three days. Go bug someone else." Most people wouldn't talk to their landlord like that. Then again, most landlords didn't come to your apartment demanding that rent be paid at 3AM while shouting down the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun.

"Door was unlocked. Heard you shoutin' earlier, wanted to come drag yer dead body out so's it didn't stink up the place b'fore I could rent it out again." Sarge belched loudly, as if to punctuate his explanation.

"Shouting? I wasn't -- oh." Church took his glasses off and started cleaning them with the hem of his shirt. "Oh, uh, shouting, yeah. It wasn't anything important."

Sarge leveled a disbelieving stare at him - Church now cleaning his glasses so hard the frames creaked slightly. He'd have to teach the blues how to lie better, that was for sure - they wouldn't make it in the real world without a class of his own patented 101 Believable Fibs & White Lies. Hmm, he'd have to have Lopez draw up a sign for a class when he got back... "Right. Didn't have nothin' to do with that motorbike I saw parked out back, I suppose, an' certainly not the blonde I saw sneakin' out yer window."

Church was so pale he was nearly transparent; the blush that spread across his cheeks and neck was the most color he ever managed to get. Like right then; he could feel the heat of it, and he wondered how Texas managed to get caught; she was the best of the best, but even pure dumb luck - or Reds - could catch a Freelancer off-guard once in a while. "No idea what you're talking about, Sarge. Maybe Sister had someone over. Or Tucker. At least we didn't have to drag Caboose down the stairs this time." Both men grimaced at the memory; Caboose was as big boned as he was big-hearted, and he was as easy to wake up as a Snorlax. It was a minor curse that he could sleep nearly anywhere; Tucker had needed Sarge, Simmons, and Church to drag Caboose back to Churchs' when he brought home a pair of - or so he said - Swedish supermodel twins.

"Hn. Awright, then. Just checkin' you wasn' set on gettin' yer heart broke agin. You an' her ain't no kinda good for each other, y'oughta know that by now." Sarge pronounced, letting the obvious lie go unaddressed. It wasn't his place as landlord to meddle with his tenants' love lives, but they were all more than just rentees at this point - having taken all of them to the ER at one point or another really broke down a lot of barriers, Sarge had found. Even suckers like the Blues bled red, so they couldn't be all bad.

"Texas is just..." Church started, then stopped himself and sighed, a hand running through his unkempt hair, making it stick up even worse. "We're just on break. Kind of. We're on a relationship break. It's complicated." He amended, defensively. "Neither of us are good at the romance crap, y'know? But she's been trying, for me."

Sarge nodded, grunting. "Right. S'long as you two aren't thinkin' a baby could fix things, 'r somethin' stupid like that. Babies don't fix nothin', an' they ain't suppose't, neither."

Church held up his hands, looking horrified. "Whoa, no! Babies? No, no babies, who said anything about babies? Christ, Sarge, I can barely take care of Caboose, how the fuck would I take care of a kid? Shit, and can you imagine Texas with a baby? She'd fucking drop kick the poor bastard out a window or something." He shuddered, and Sarge grimaced at the mental picture; none of them would survive a pregnant Agent Texas and they all knew it. "Besides, I knew all that shit about kids not fixing shit already. I learned from my dads' mistakes, you know."

Sarge ignored the way Church glanced at the picture on the table; he already knew it was of a younger Church - skinnier, if such a thing was possible, with lighter bags under his eyes - and a younger Carolina, her hair shorter and her face less scarred. An arm wrapped around both of their shoulders, a fancy watch gleaming on the wrist, but the head and body of the 'mystery' person had been torn out, carefully leaving behind a petite blonde in between them, a UNSC cap jauntily worn over a simple ponytail.

"Right. Just makin' sure." Sarge levered himself out of the armchair, clasping Church on the shoulder briefly as he passed by the Blue on his way to the door. "Let Tex know, next time y' see her, she ain't the only one 'round here with romance problems. Y' know where t' find me, Blue, if ya need anything." Church blinked, nodding as he twisted around to watch Sarge open the door and stop, halfway through it, to deliver his parting words

"An' tell her to use the stairs next time, Shiela thought she was gonna break her damn neck pullin' that stunt."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought of the first chapter, and give me your own headcanons/suggestions of characters or alignments/stuff you want to see!


End file.
